I Hate You Because I Love You
by JassTheSarcastic
Summary: Someone walks back into Rachel's life after three years. This person broke her, will they be able to mend her, or will they break her even more? AU Please R&R!


**AN: Here's the story everyone was so patiently waiting for! Or that's what I thought...This is very unrealistic, to me it is. Tell me what you think! Other than the obvious-HORRIBLE! Bye! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

* * *

><p>I Hate You Because I Love You, Chapter 1: Seeing you only reminds me of the past.<p>

Rachel Berry walked down the streets of New York City towards her apartment building. Her classes at NYADA were exhausting and all she wanted to do was curl up in her bed and sleep for days. But of course, she can't have that.

"Rachel Berry?" a familiar voice called out. Rachel froze. _It can't be,_ she thought, _it can't be him._ She slowly turned around and came face-to-face with an old flame, the one who left her when she needed him the most, Sebastian Smythe.

"It is you. How you've been?" he smiled at her and extended a hand.

She took it hesitantly and shook it. "I'm fine. How about you?" she asked.

"I've been doing well," he said. He looked hesitant for what he was about to say next but eventually said, "Look, Rachel, I'm really sorry for what I did to you, I should've been there for you, instead of leaving you all by yourself when you needed me the most. I'm sorry."

Rachel just stood there in shock. She didn't expect Sebastian to apologize for what he did. She figured he had forgotten about it, about her, about them.

"Please say something," Sebastian pleaded.

"I can't," Rachel whispered. She turned around to continue walking but Sebastian grabbed her hand and turned her around. Anything Rachel would have said was silenced by Sebastian's lips on hers.

Rachel immediately melted into the kiss, feeling the spark still there, like she was in high school again. But then she remembered that day he left her and pushed him off of her.

"What the hell, Sebastian?" she shrieked, not caring whether people passing them could hear them or not. "You can't come waltzing back into my life after three years and expect me to forgive you", she said, "You made me more of an outcast. And it wasn't because of my talent, or my wardrobe, or my parents. It was _you_-" She stabbed her finger to his chest, "My parents kicked me out, I had to move in with Mr. Schuester, and the glee club wasn't as supportive as they were with Quinn. Kurt, Blaine and Quinn were my only friends left.

"Everyone hated me even more because of you. You made my life a living hell. So don't come back asking for forgiveness, you'll have none from me," Rachel finished, turned around again to start walking to her apartment, only to be stopped by Sebastian, again.

"Can I at least see her, or him?" he asked.

"No, you can't see him," she said and to avoid more questions, she broke into a sprint to her apartment.

* * *

><p>There were tears rolling down Rachel's cheeks by the time she manage to open the door of her apartment. All those memories she had had with Sebastian were flowing back into her mind; all the pain, the hurt, the love, the happiness. It just hurt so much.<p>

She slid down the wall and started sobbing loudly. She didn't remember anyone being in her apartment until a pair of arms held her close and whispered comforting words in her ear.

Rachel calmed down after an hour or so and she could finally tell who was comforting her: it was Quinn. _Oh right,_ she thought, _she was here babysitting Tommy_.

"Are you alright, Rachel?" Quinn asked, "What happened?"

"S-S-S-Sebastian…" Rachel trailed off, the pain too much for her to handle, but that was all Quinn needed to know.

Quinn knew about Rachel and Sebastian during high school, and when Rachel came crying on her doorstep one night after Sebastian had left her, Quinn was furious at him – she wanted to kill him – but Rachel said it wasn't his fault, it was hers.

"_What are you talking about? _He_ left you!" Quinn yelled._

"_Because I'm pregnant," Rachel said quietly._

"_What?"_

"_I'm pregnant, Quinn, and it's his," Rachel said. Quinn's rage was quickly extinguished as she sunk down on her bed and gathered Rachel up in her arms as the petite girl cried._

"Quinn?" Quinn snapped out of her daze, she looked down at Rachel. "What did he do to you?" Quinn asked.

"He, he apologized," Rachel said.

"And?"

"He kissed me," Rachel looked down, "That's it."

Quinn knew she was lying; she knew there was something more that Rachel wasn't telling.

"Rachel…" Quinn started.

"Fine, he asked to see Tommy," Rachel sighed, looking at her baby boy.

"What did you say?" Quinn asked again.

"I said he couldn't see him, Quinn. That's it. Now could you please leave, I'd like to be alone," Rachel said. Quinn was hesitant, but nodded anyway. She brought Rachel to the couch, gathered her stuff and with one last look at Rachel, Quinn left the apartment.

Rachel watched her three year old boy play with his stuffed dragon for a while, before walking to the kitchen and making herself a cup of warm water with a little honey in it, which is good for the vocal cords. While she waited for the water to boil, Kurt suddenly burst into her apartment.

"Rachel? Rachel, where are you?" Kurt yelled, searching for her. Rachel immediately regretted giving a spare key to Kurt.

"I'm in the kitchen, Kurt," she said. Kurt didn't need to be told twice as he dashed into the kitchen.

"I heard what happened. Are you alright? Did he hurt you?" Kurt asked.

"Kurt, I'm fine. My emotional wounds opened again, but hopefully I won't see _him_ again and I'll be fine," Rachel explained. Kurt rolled his eyes; Rachel was more of a mess than he thought.

"Rachel, you need some time off, just to let loss. You've been working so hard ever since you found out you were having Tommy, and even harder when _he_ left you-"

"What's your point, Kurt?" Rachel asked, eyes shut tightly to prevent more tears to spill out.

"Come with Blaine, Quinn and I to a bar down the street tonight," he said, "We always go there on Friday's. We tried to invite you but whenever you hear "go out", you automatically make some excuse to not come. So please, come with us."

Rachel bit her lip and looked down. She needed this, she's been so stressed out with college, bills, her baby, she doesn't even have time to date. Everything she does is for her baby. She needs this.

"I'm in," Rachel said, nodding, "I'm in. I want to go."

"That's great! You don't have to worry about a sitter, I have that covered. You just enjoy yourself," Kurt said as he went to hug her. As he let go of her, he smiled and said, "Let's go pick your outfit."

Rachel groaned as Kurt dragged her to her bedroom to pick her outfit, leaving Tommy to stare after them.

* * *

><p>Tommy waved his arms toward his mother, wanting to be carried, but ended up being ignored. He whimpered a little, calling for his mother, and finally capturing her attention.<p>

"I'm sorry, Tommy, but I can't right now, Mommy's going with her friends tonight. You'll be with Amanda tonight," Rachel said, putting on her earrings. She was wearing a peach colored sun dress, with matching heels and small star earrings, her hair perfectly curled, thanks to Kurt.

"It's Alice, Miss Berry, I'm Uncle Blaine's niece," the sixteen year old got up from her place on the couch and walked to Rachel, "You look beautiful, by the way, Miss Berry."

"Thank you, Alice. But, Rachel is just fine," Rachel smiled. There was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it," Alice said. She opened it and found Blaine. "Hi, Uncle Blaine, Miss Rachel is almost ready."

"Hey, Al. Rach, you ready?" Blaine asked.

"Almost, I gotta find my coat, my white one," Rachel said, searching for her coat.

"It's over here, Miss Rachel," Alice said, holding up the piece of clothing. She helped put the coat on Rachel.

"Thanks, Alice. You have my number, Blaine, Kurt and Quinn's number and the hospital's. Tommy's food is in the fridge – reheat it five minutes before you feed him, he likes the airplane game – he loves his dragon so, whatever you do, do not take it away from him. I might be home late, extra pillows and blankets are in the cupboard. You're an experienced babysitter, right?" Rachel asked.

"Yes, I am. Have a good night! Say hi to Uncle Kurt for me!" Alice smiled as she closed the door.

"Not even married and it's already 'Uncle Kurt'," Rachel said, as they walked down the hall, towards the stairs.

"Well, I have been thinking…" Blaine trailed off, smiling at her.

"Blaine Warbler, are you going to propose?" Rachel shrieked.

"Yes, Rachel, I'm going to propose to Kurt, you don't have to yell it to the whole world," Blaine said, rubbing his ears.

"Congratulations!" Rachel said, side hugging him.

"Well, we don't even know if he'll say yes," Blaine said.

"He will, Blaine, he loves you too much to say no," Rachel said. Blaine just smiled and they kept walking until they reached Blaine's car where Kurt and Quinn were waiting.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for inviting me, you guys. I need some time off, especially after I saw <em>him<em> today," Rachel said as she, Quinn, Kurt and Blaine settled in a table at the bar near the stage, "I just hope Alice takes care of Tommy properly and follows the instructions I told her. A lot of the babysitters I hired keeps forgetting that Tommy _loves_ his dragon and they take it away from him until I get home. It's frustrating."

"Well, let's just keep out minds Tommy and _him_, alright?" Blaine suggested.

"I agree. Tonight's all about letting loose and not worrying. Besides, Alice is experienced, right Blaine?" Quinn asked.

"Yep. Though she works harder depending on how much you're paying her. Rachel?" Blaine asked.

"$20. Money's a little tight, so that's as much as I could give her," Rachel replied.

"Oh, trust me, that's a lot to her," Kurt said, nodding.

"Hi, my name's Wendy. What can I get you people?" a slim, young lady around her early 20's came to their table with a pen and notepad.

"I'll just have a beer," Blaine said.

"Red wine for me, please," Rachel smiled.

"Me too," Kurt agreed.

"I'll have a white wine," Quinn said. Wendy nodded as she wrote down their orders and walk off to the bar.

She came back a few minutes later and placed their drinks on coasters in front of them.

"Hey, Wendy, I couldn't help but notice that sign by the stage," Rachel said, pointing to the sign placed on the stage.

"Oh, that? Well, it's open mic night tonight. You guys can sign up for it at the bar. I'd love to hear you guys sing," Wendy looked at Blaine as she said the last part. Kurt instinctively placed his hand on top of Blaine's on the table. Wendy saw this and immediately stood up properly.

"Anything else?" she asked. Everyone shook their heads and she walked away.

There was silence among them. Rachel was the first to break it.

"I think I'm gonna call Alice, see how's everything going," she said. A chorus of "NO!"'s were thrown at her.

"Rachel, I just told you that you have nothing to worry about," Blaine said.

"And I told you that tonight was about letting loose," Quinn said.

"I know, I know, but, I just have this feeling that something's wrong. So, just let me call her one time. Ok? One time," Rachel said as she got up and walked out of the bar to call Alice.

* * *

><p>"Hello?"<p>

"Alice! Thank God, you answered! I thought something happened!"

"Miss Rachel, hello. This is the first time you called me tonight..."

"I know, but you took so long to answer. And..." There was a sigh from Rachel's end, "I'm sorry, it's been a long time since I left Tommy with someone I didn't really know. How is he anyway? Did you feed him already?"

"It's alright, Miss Rachel, a lot of parents react like this, especially single parents like you. He's fine, I just fed him. Now he's playing with his dragon. He really does love it," Alice said.

Rachel laughed, "Yes, he does. It was from your Uncle Blaine actually. He said he had one like it once." Rachel saw Quinn standing by the entrance, waving at her to come in. Rachel nodded and said to the phone, "Hey, Alice, I have to go now. Make sure Tommy sleeps by 8:30p.m. alright?"

"Alright, Miss Rachel. Bye." The line went dead.

"Come on, Rach. Kurt and Blaine are getting worried," Quinn said.

"I'm coming, Quinn," Rachel said. The two walked in just as a song started to play. The song sounded familiar to Rachel, but the voice was especially familiar that Rachel froze in place. Quinn was about ask why, but when they heard the voice, she, too, froze in place.

_The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting__  
><em>_Could it be that we have been this way before__  
><em>_I know you don't think that I am trying__  
><em>_I know you're wearing thin down to the core_

"Sebastian?" Rachel whispered. She couldn't believe her eyes. But yes, there he was, the man that broke her heart was there, singing a song that, maybe, just maybe, he was singing to her.

_But hold your breath__  
><em>_Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you__  
><em>_Over again__  
><em>_Don't make me change my mind__  
><em>_Or I won't live to see another day__  
><em>_I swear it's true__  
><em>_Because a girl like you is impossible to find__  
><em>_You're impossible to find_

Sebastian turned his head from the piano to face the audience but his eyes locked with Rachel's, and Sebastian started to smile.

_This is not what I intended__  
><em>_I always swore to you I'd never fall apart__  
><em>_You always thought that I was stronger__  
><em>_I may have failed__  
><em>_But I have loved you from the start__  
><em>_Oh_

He sang with all his heart to her. The song was true, Rachel thought Sebastian was stronger—she thought he was strong enough to not leave her when she told him about Tommy.

_But hold your breath__  
><em>_Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you__  
><em>_Over again__  
><em>_Don't make me change my mind__  
><em>_Or I won't live to see another day__  
><em>_I swear it's true__  
><em>_Because a girl like you is impossible to find__  
><em>_It's impossible_

_So breathe in so deep__  
><em>_Breathe me in__  
><em>_I'm yours to keep__  
><em>_And hold onto your words__  
><em>_Cause talk is cheap__  
><em>_And remember me tonight__  
><em>_When your asleep_

_Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you__  
><em>_Over again__  
><em>_Don't make me change my mind__  
><em>_Or I won't live to see another day__  
><em>_I swear it's true__  
><em>_Because a girl like you is impossible to find__  
><em>_Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you__  
><em>_Over again__  
><em>_Don't make me change my mind__  
><em>_Or I won't live to see another day__  
><em>_I swear it's true__  
><em>_Because a girl like you is impossible to find__  
><em>_You're impossible to find_

By the end of the song, Rachel felt herself smiling—even if it was the smallest smile, but Sebastian noticed it—and clapped a little.

"Thank you very much. Drinks on me!" Sebastian said, making the audience cheer louder. He walked off the stage to the direction where Rachel and Quinn were still standing at.

"Hi," he breathed.

"Hi," Rachel said quietly. Sebastian mentally sighed in relief; he expected her to do something, slap him, walk away, anything really.

Neither of them noticed Quinn leaving them and walking to their table.

"I'd expect you to do something to me," Sebastian said, breaking the silence.

"Like what?" Rachel asked, still using her small voice.

"Slap me and storm away, I guess, I deserve it for what I did to you," he said, looking down.

Rachel delicately lifted his chin with her fingers. "You do," she smiled, causing him to chuckle, "But, I won't, I already did that to you, and no one deserves that twice a day, no matter what they did," Rachel rolled her eyes, "But I do want an apology. A proper one."

"How proper?" Sebastian raised an eyebrow.

"You'll be my slave for one month," Rachel smirked.

"Are you fucking serious?" Sebastian whispered—to prevent from screaming and drawing attention to them.

"No, of course not," Rachel said a-matter-of-factly, "I want you to be a part of Tommy's life-"

"Tommy?" Sebastian interrupted, "O-our baby?"

"Yes," Rachel said calmly, "But, you need to gain my trust back before I let you see him, until I'm positive that you won't walk out on us, understand?"

"I understand," Sebastian replied, "But, how will I gain your trust back, exactly?"

"Give me your phone number and I'll call you," Rachel said. Sebastian quickly wrote down his number on a piece of tissue and handed it to Rachel.

She scanned the number before saying, "We'll be in touch," and walking to her table.

"You look beautiful, by the way," Sebastian said.

Rachel turned back. "Thanks, Sebastian," she smiled.


End file.
